Saturday, September 30, 2006


I have a good friend who is a 1L at the University of Michigan. She recently related to me that she is so stressed, and it is so competitive, that she can't remember the last time she went out or drank. She claims she is hardly alone in this.

That made me do a little count. Today is September 30th, exactly one month since classes commenced. According to my Outlook calendar, there have been 25 law school related or sponsored events that included alcohol since classes started. If you subtract out the four Sundays (you have to recover sometime) and one holiday (Labor Day) , that means there has been an opportunity to get trashed with law school classmates every single day since law school started, many of them on the law school's dime.

Screw the rankings. Clearly, we are the best.

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Missing: The Society Cup

While I know Ruth disagrees with me, I find the stealing of the Society Cup two days before Society Olympics completely hilarious.

Also, since I know mainly only 1Ls care about the damn Society Cup, I assume someone who reads this has gossip. And I thrive on good law school gossip. So, please, to whoever stole the cup, awesome job, now brag about it!


An Open Letter to all 1L flag football teams

Dear players,

While I don't intend to discredit your attempt at "total flag football domination," my experience last night seems to indicate many of you are unaware of how to play the game in a way that doesn't make everyone you play hate you. Here are some tips:

1. Hey guys, if you are rushing the quarterback, and the quarterback either is a girl herself, or her blockers are girls, you really shouldn't attempt to "take us out." Specifically, to the charming individual that felt it necessary to punch me in the kidney last night, that's what normal people like to call "acting like a douchebag." I'd recommend not doing that.

2. Regarding your flags: While it is difficult to watch the placement of your flags at all times, I would recommend at least trying to keep the flags somewhere other than directly over your crotch. I grabbed a lot more than just a flag last night, and I don't think that was pleasant for anyone.

3. Ladies: let's make a compromise. I will avoid injuring your chest so long as you avoid injuring my chest.

I think following these simple tips will make flag football more pleasant for all of us. Just remember, that if you come up against Douchebag McAsshole, also known as the guy who punched me in the side, all these rules are null and void.

Lots of love,

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Monday, September 25, 2006

Show us your torts!

Section 1 is made up of the Hargrave and Green societies. And since today marked the beginning of society week and we all wore our society t-shirts, that meant Section 1 was awash in a sea of vibrant green and purple. In other words, our class looked something like a very boring mardi gras celebration. (You know, like mardi gras without the floats, alcohol, nudity, king cake, or music.)

Too bad, really. I think Con Law would have been much improved had our prof thrown beads to people who actually understood what he was talking about.


Sunday, September 24, 2006

This is why lawyers are divorced

So I rarely post too much about my personal life, because, well, it's usually pretty boring, and you people don't really need to know anyways. But as this is at least semi law-related, here goes.

First, some background. I've been dating (non-exclusively) a guy we'll call "Bartender Boy." Well, Friday night, "Bartender Boy" did something to make me very, very angry with him. Saturday, with the conflict still not resolved, I attempted to do my Con Law reading. It was impossible. My reading went something like this:

Read a line. Remember why I'm angry. Think of new arguments to use against him when I next talk to him. Remember I'm supposed to be reading. Re-read line I just read. Remember why I'm angry. Re-play what made me angry in my head. Remember I'm reading. Re-read line I just read....

That went on for a while, and by the time I finally talked to him again, around 5pm on Saturday, I had only managed to do about 15 pages of reading. Still, I proceeded to have one of the most artfully executed arguments ever. This is clearly why most lawyers are divorced. I have no clue how normal people put up with us.


Anonymity & The Things I Post

Let me start by saying, I hate that I am even having to post this at all, but after seeing something I wrote bashed on another UT blawg, I felt it was necessary.

1. I know I'm not anonymous and that most of the 1Ls who read this would easily realize who I am. The purpose of me posting under my pseudonym of Lioness is not to pretend no one knows who I am (hell, I've told several of you point blank) but to keep the blog from being actively searchable through my name.

2. In case you can't tell, these posts are meant to be humorous, this post excluded. Humorous, in my opinion, means sarcastic. People who got offended by the "people at the bottom of the curve" post seemed to miss the inherent sarcasm in it. For god's sake, I was writing it in class, clearly not paying attention to the lecture, and by those standards, it should be me at the bottom of the curve. Regardless, I'm not trying to make enemies here, and I took that post down. Accept my apologies if you were really offended by it.

3. I stand behind this blog. If you have a problem with what I write, please don't go run over to another blawg to bitch about it. Say it here. E-mail me at Your opinions are important to us.

And finally, please, dear readers, never make me write another serious post like this again. ::End rant::


Thursday, September 21, 2006

My words are worth gold!

So writing a blawg is one of those entirely self-serving things where you can convince yourself that your little corner of the world really does matter, that, in fact, you are a beautiful and unique snowflake, and that your adoring readers hang on your every word.

This is all accomplished through watching your stat counter, seeing what other blogs link to you, and being featured in the weekly Law School Roundup. But recently I found something even more geeky to make myself feel important:

Apparently, if blogs could be traded like stocks, mine would have increased its value from $2.78 a share on the first day of class to $137.32 a share last week. And to think, I thought the value of this blog was just in its ability to help me procrastinate.


Wednesday, September 20, 2006


You know that episode of Friends where Chandler's boss keeps repeating the word duty, and Chandler nearly explodes laughing? Because "duty" is like "doodie"?

It's totally destroyed discussions of negligence for me. I clearly have the maturity of a 7-year-old.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It’s the drinking, stupid

I’ve decided that law school is a lot like a diet. It’s not sticking to a diet during the day that’s hard…it’s not going out and drinking at night that always kills me. Law school's the same. I have no issue with doing my work and being productive during the day. But as soon as the sun goes down, when I should be briefing and outlining, it’s very hard to resist all the bar reviews, parties, society and mentor group outings, and just general hanging out with friends.

What I haven’t figured out is the solution. I can temper the effects of drinking on my diet by going running every day. But what's the equivalent of the hike and bike for law school? I'm not sure yet, but I know that sitting hungover through property wasn't fun.


Friday, September 15, 2006

Fridays are the most entertaining

A few gems from today:

1L: I must look awful, I haven't shaved in a week
Other 1L: Don't feel bad. I still have on the clothes I wore out last night.

Professor (to the class): My life is an ongoing war against your general ignorance.
1L: Um...I think you're losing.

1L: Did you go to bar review last night?
2L: Nah. If I wanted to watch a bunch of soulless saps drink meaning into their lives, I'd go have dinner with my family.

And finally, the "oh shit, somehow I became a law student" moment of the day: Almost using the word notwithstanding in a myspace comment.


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Yeah, that's how the gosh-darn internet works!

Not funny: Property

Very funny: Discussing an internet hacking case in property where the 70-year-old professor tries to explain to a bunch of 20-somethings how the internet works. Best quote so far:

"An intra-net, in lay-person's terms, is a box with internet access."

Yeah. That's it.


Next stop: Attorneydom

I overheard this conversation yesterday among two suit-laden 2Ls. Honestly, it scared me:

2L #1: Hey, did you have yours with (firm name here) yet?
2L #2: No, no, I don't have them till Thursday. What about you?
2L #1: I have them in about an hour. Of course, I scheduled two warm-up interviews with firms I'm not really interested in this morning, so I think I'm pretty good to go.
2L #2: You have three interviews today?
2L #1: Four, actually
2L #2:How many do you have total?
2L #1: Including my offsites in New York.....33.
2L #1: Why aren't you saying anything?
2L #2: Sorry. I just lost all respect for you, that's all. Later, man.

I had no idea gunner-dom extended to OCI as well.


Friday, September 08, 2006

There was a man from Nantucket...

Forgotten why we pay tens of thousands of dollars to go to law school? For the dirty legal limericks, of course. From my illustrious torts professor:

There once was a man named Rex,
With diminutive organs of sex.
When charged with exposure,
He said with composure,
"De minimus non curat lex."

( If you don't have your Black's handy, that translates to "the law does not concern itself with trifles.")


Thursday, September 07, 2006

Perfectly Chilled

Just got back from my Westlaw training session. Have decided to scrub goals of making law review or getting a clerkship in favor of my new ultimate law school goal:

Point-whoring enough to get the 12 bottle, stainless steel wine cooler with interior lighting and different temperature zones. Just 13,375 more points to go. Sweet.

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

"You aren't my priority"

Good idea: Casually dating someone outside of the law school (you see law students enough already!)

Bad idea: Casually dating someone outside of the law school (they just don't understand!)

Apparently, saying:
"yeah, I would love to sleep over and see you when you get off work at four in the morning, but I've got class at nine a.m., meaning I have to be up by 7-ish, and you just aren't my priority right now,"

...isn't a very well received statement by the non-law school bartender guy that you're kinda-sorta seeing. Lesson learned.


This Can't Be Right....

I don't think I'm doing this whole law school thing right.

I read for the entire week this past weekend, about 4 hours on Sunday, 4 hours on Monday. That was enough time to read and brief for the whole coming week and go back over and outline last week's notes. Now...well, I did nothing law related last night (ok, so actually I re-wrote my Con Law notes into outline format, mainly because I felt guilty for not having anything else to do.) I have a 2 hour break before a meeting I need to go to today, and I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. What is everyone else doing? Am I missing something?

Being idle scares me.

As a side note, I spied Mr. Longhorn Law when I was leaving Property today. I briefly considered introducing myself, then after considering the implicit geekiness and awkwardness of that transaction, I opted against it.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Law School Makes Me....

While doing my readings for this coming week, I have noticed the following:

Property reading makes me thirsty for diet coke.

Torts reading makes me get sidetracked and start daydreaming (usually about my most recent romantic conquests.)

Con Law reading makes me bite my fingernails until there are none left.

In short, preparing for class leaves me overly caffeinated, sexually frustrated and in need of a manicure.


Saturday, September 02, 2006

Comedy of Errors

Top three signs you may have the coolest torts professor in the world:

1. He makes Chuck Norris jokes in class

2. He shows up to the society boat cruise in a Duke Lacrosse t-shirt

3. He makes up hypos about battering people with your Con Law textbook, because it's a "massive death-book of idiocy"